Love For My Beloved

Spectacular. Indescribably. Euphoric. Endless.

Love is a word that has lost its full meaning. This is the relationship I have with my Christ, my Bridegroom, my Beloved. I am driven by the desire to constantly be in the presence of the focus of my affection, and He consumes my thoughts. I want Him. I need Him. Without Him, my life is incomplete.

Unconditional affection and adoration  no limits or conditions. I trust Him with my life and would do anything to make Him proud. I want nothing more than to do everything it takes to bring Him joy. His will supersedes me own because I care so much for Him and really want to do right by Him. I hide nothing of myself and reveal to Him every secret and hidden part of my heart and trust that He will never turn me away and accept me just the way I am, and love me enough to challenge me to be better.

He's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind when I awake. He warms my heart just by being who He is and I am often washed in an overcoming flood of peace and unworthiness. I want to do what I know will bring a smile to His perfect face.

It's love for my Beloved that makes me want to do anything and sacrifice everything for the wonderful things I know He put in place ahead. I know I am secure in His arms and my future is brilliantly and overwhelmingly brighter because of who He is and what He's done. I've found the One who my soul loves, and I'll never let Him go.

Melodious Redeeming Love

I can't take any credit for this song. God in His infinite mercy granted me the words from my heart.

My Healer

Sometimes the simplest lyrics are the most powerful. I had my iPod on shuffle and this song came on. I closed my eyes and just let the lyrics wash over me. This song really spoke to my heart. 

Hungry I come to you

For I know you satisfy

I am empty but I know

Your well does not run dry

So I wait for you

So I wait for you

I'm falling on my knees

Offering all of me

Jesus, You're all this heart

Is living for

Broken, I run to you

For Your arms are open wide

I am weary but I know 

Your touch restores my life

So I wait for you

So I wait for you

I'm falling on my knees

Offering all of me

Jesus, You're all this heart

Is living for

Hungry, I come to you

For I know you satisfy

I am empty but I know

Your well does not run dry

Just one touch from Jesus restores my life. He's showed me time and time again, and yet somehow I still run to people for my validation. I find my value in Christ; In His sacrifice, in His unfailing love, in His truth that He reminds me of repeatedly. He satisfies. He restores. His arms are open wide. His well never runs dry. So what can I do but fall to my knees in worship and offer all I am, all I was, all I ever will be to my King? He's all that I'm living for. I pray that I live that out with all my heart.

Seeing the Truth

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

      A verse repeated so many times over this past season in my life. And yet, God still reveals new meanings to me. Our battle is not against flesh and blood. God is warning us, cautioning us not to direct our anger towards people, but the enemy who plants lies and tempts to sin. When my friend sins against me, my first instinct should be to rush to their side and pray protection from the enemy. My struggle is not with that person. It is not with flesh and blood. It is not with the children of God. It is against the evil forces that are behind each and every one of us, urging us to commit mutiny. As well, because our fight is not with flesh and blood, we cannot rely on our human resources to have any success. However God does not lead us into the battle empty handed. He gives to us His own armor. We are His armor-bearers. Each piece of armor is given with specific instruction for use against the enemy.

Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm than, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Ephesians 13-17

The Belt of Truth. The truth is that we are all sinners, and we are all in desperate need of grace. I need an eternal amount of grace for the things I've done, for the times I've turned from God and given in to temptation and listened to the enemy rather than God. I need God's belt of truth to see the true enemy standing behind my friend's sin.

The Breastplate of Righteousness. Character, not brute force, is what wins the battle. The breastplate protects the heart. Without it, any attack from the enemy could be a fatal one. If I do not allow God to shape who I am and change my heart, I am susceptible to severe attacks. How can I defend and help my friends grow if I first do not allow myself to grow?

Feet fitted with the Readiness from the Gospel of Peace. Shoes are just as important as the rest of the armor. Without them, the little things like bothersome stones and sharp pieces of debris would deter my focus from the real battle at hand. Without daily immersion in the gospel, in God's Word, in spending time with my Beloved and allowing His peace to fill me up, the little annoyances in my day can get under my skin and affect my mood and prevent me from fighting with my whole heart and soul. If I make sure to take time out of my day, I find that my day is improved significantly and I can really see more clearly what is truly important.

The Shield of Faith. The soldier's shield in Roman times was big enough to fit two people behind it. When someone would stumble under the attack of the enemy, their friend would come and defend both of them behind his own shield and deflect the arrows of fear, doubt, and worry. No matter the situation, God is bigger and He will rescue me. Even if everything looks hopeless, I believe that God has a plan and He is strong enough to conquer everything that stands in my way. I hold the shield of faith out before me. Without confidence in my hero, I could easily be taken down. Faith in my Beloved comes first and foremost in this battle.

The Helmet of Salvation. How can I carry the armor of a God I don't accept for my own? If I don't believe that Jesus set me free, why would I want to lead others to Him? If I have any doubt about the sacrifice my Beloved made for me and the power that He has, why would I follow Him into a battle I wasn't sure we could win? The full knowledge of God as my Saviour and the victory of the war is what shields my mind from discouragement and despair. We fight, already knowing the final outcome.

The Sword of the Spirit. The Word of God. The Bible tells me that I can do greater things than Jesus' time, if I only ask. God grants me the power to cut through lies and straight to the heart of the matter, to discover the truth. All of the other armor was made for defense, but we are also given a weapon to use for the offensive. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I rely on God for the strength I need to complete the work He has sent me to do.

      Christ has already won the war, and now He has equipped me to fight the battles.I am not helpless, lost in the nightmares of this world. I am made victorious only by His incredible grace and mercy. I am His.

Ice Skating Lessons

Last night, I went skating with some friends. I don't know how to skate. I must have fallen down at least ten times, if not more. I was never on my own. There were always people holding my hand, cheering me on, showing me the best way to go by example, and when I would fall, they would flock to my side immediately to pick me back up. When I was brave enough to let go of their hands, they stayed beside me, encouraging me and staying close. I fell more when I was on my own, but they picked me up, offering words of praise and their hands to hold if I needed them again. By the end of the night, I could stand up on my own. They never left me on my own, though. They still helped me up once in a while, and even when I got discouraged, they lifted me up and pushed me on. Yes, my faith is a journey with my Beloved, but He still sends me incredible friends to help me through life as well, that will never let me stray or give up and pick me up when I fall down, even if I've learned to get up on my own. 

Redeeming Love

I've been working on a song for the past few weeks whenever I start being consumed by insecurities and loneliness. I love the book of Hosea. I've been reading from it a lot since Thailand.

Redeeming Love
I've chased, I've caught
I loved, I lost
Searching for someone to hold
Just so tonight, I won't be alone

You lead me to the wilderness
Tenderly you reclaim my heart
You call me your beloved
Redeeming love washes over me

The past fills me with fear and pain
This can't be true, I push away
Returning to what I know how
What I've known seems better somehow

You lead me to the wilderness
Tenderly you reclaim my heart
You call me your beloved
Redeeming love washes over me

Nor life, nor death
Nor fear, nor pain
Not now, not then
You love forever
(repeat)

You lead me to the wilderness
Tenderly you reclaim my my heart
You call me your beloved
Redeeming love washes, oh

You lead me to the wilderness
Tenderly you reclaim my heart
You call me your beloved
Redeeming love washes, oh
Redeeming love washes, oh
Redeeming love washes over me.

God's Love

Reflections Of My Heart

Alone tonight.

Running from the shadows that threaten to consume me.

Reaching out, begging someone to take my hand.

Lead me from the darkness into light.

Be my rescuer. My hero.

Or just walk with me.

We'll stand together. United.

So many reject my plea.

Some take my hand for a short while.

My heart whispers hope. 

My dreams take on wings.

Then they let go.

And I'm alone again. 

Fear drives me to pull my hand back.

But I resist.

There has to be someone.

A figure stands in the distance, off the path.

He extends his arm in a familiar gesture I've repeated so many times.

His eyes speak kindness. 

Acceptance.

Love.

But I must walk through the darkness to get to him.

I must step off the path.

Behind me, the enemy is gaining distance. 

Ahead of me, a continuation of the sorry life I've known.

What seemed hopeless now seems less so. 

Or at least familiar.

Compared to the darkness separating him and I.

Suddenly he steps forward. 

Braving the darkness.

He runs to me.

I lose sight of him for a moment.

But he appears and embraces me.

I stand prepared to run from the shadows.

Together.

He shakes his head.

And points off the path.

The direction from where he came.

The walk through darkness to a far-off light.

I pull away.

I could never make it through.

The darkness is the territory of the enemy.

He looks deep into my eyes.

Past my fear. Past my loneliness.

Into my soul.

"Will you trust me?"

But the enemy will be running right next to me. 

"Will you trust me?"

Waiting for the second I allow insecurities, the past, fear to cause me to let go.

"Will you trust me?"

I want to be in that light. I want to be with him forever.

I take his hand.

We step off the path.

The enemy can be heard beside me.

Getting nearer.

But he trades sides with me.

Holds me tightly.

I am hidden from the enemy.

My Rescuer stands in the way.

I am not alone.

Not anymore.

Never again.

Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. 

Psalm 143:8-9

What If's

"Come out of self-hatred into My love. Come to Me now. Forget about yourself. Accept who I long to be for you - your Rescuer - endlessly loving, forever patient, unbearably forgiving...You are a broken flower; I will not crush you. A flickering candle, I will not extinguish you. For now and forever, be still. You are safe with Me."

What if I let go? What if I just let God take control and go along for the ride? What if, instead of asking God "Change my situation," I ask Him, "Change me?" What if instead of making inchoate, long-term resolutions, I focus on bringing Him glory for the day I'm living? What if I look in the Word instead of a mirror? 

What if I say, "I will"?