Dreams, Doorways and Dear Friends

The dream started with a guy desperately head-over-heels in love with a girl. He thinks about her constantly and in his mind, she's the most beautiful girl ever made, and she's absolutely perfect in every single way. Even her flaws just make her more endearing to him. He creates this plan to propose to her, and buys a stunning diamond ring. He spent months finding the perfect ring. No ordinary ring would do, and this one shines so brightly and seems to just describe her personality and every reason he loves her in one breathtaking piece of jewelry He is on his way to visit her and profess his love, and he goes through this underground tunnel to get there. While walking through, a pipe bursts and there's a flood. The tunnel fills up with water and he takes a big gulp of air before it's gone completely. He's a smart man. He knows that he has enough air to make it out, and starts kicking in the direction of the exit when he realizes that he dropped the ring. Without a second thought he turns around and begins searching the ground, looking for it. He knows she'll love any ring, but it doesn't matter. This is the perfect ring for his girl, and he won't settle for anything less than perfect for the one who lights up his life and makes his heart sing. The light is growing dimmer and he reaches out into the darkening passage to search for the ring when suddenly a sharp jolt runs up his arm and wracks his whole body. A fan is just ahead, and its sharp blades cut his hand deeply. His breath is running out and he reaches out again with his uninjured arm in a last-ditch effort to find the ring. His outstretched fingers are rewarded with a small circlet and he clings to it tightly as he turns around and kicks frantically, feeling lightheaded from lack of oxygen. Just as he's about to pass out, he notices a fire escape and swims towards it, yanking his body up the ladder with the last of his strength and bursting out of the water and gasping air into his starved lungs, both hands clutched to his chest. When the initial shock wears off and he can breathe normally again, he realizes that his hands feel warm and wet. The tip of his index finger and the first knuckle of his middle finger have been sliced completely off by the fan, and blood flows freely from the wound. He takes off his shirt and wraps his hand in it to staunch the bleeding, still holding tight to the ring. He finally takes in his surroundings. He's in a long, clean hallway, still underground. His feet are already covered in the still-rising water. He begins to run, one hallway after another, flying past doors, with only the thought that his beloved lives in a basement apartment connected to the tunnels and if she doesn't get out fast, she'll be trapped. By the time he reaches the hallway where her apartment is, he's wading through waist-high water that's still rising. He pounds on her door, calling her name. She calls back faintly, desperately, for help. The water pressure damaged something in her pipes and her apartment is filling up faster than the hallway. He grabs an axe from the wall and breaks her door down, still calling her. Her voice reaches him from the back. She's trapped in her bathroom, and the water's up to her neck. He kicks his way to the metal door and the axe doesn't even make a difference other than a few dents. Taking a deep breath, he dies down to the doorknob and starts picking the lock. Her voice fades, the bathroom is filled with water. Desperation clouds his mind, and he works the lock harder and stops going up for air. The lock clicks faintly and the door swings open. He swims past and grabs her around the waist with his injured hand. Fire shoots up his wrist, but he ignores it and smashes the window with the axe. The glass breaks and the torrent of water rushing to the opening carries them both through. Coughing and sputtering, they crawl onto higher ground while the water disperses into the soil behind them. Now safe, they lay on the ground and breathe heavily. She stands up and studies him, seeing the now-soaked bandage around his hand and his other hand closed tightly. She reaches out to the uninjured hand, asking to see inside. He gets down on one knee and shows her the ring and tells her he wants to spend every minute of the rest of his life caring for her, providing for her, telling her how beautiful she is, making her laugh, and loving her, and he asks her to marry him. She stares at him for a long moment, and slowly shakes her head. She tells him she doesn't love him, she doesn't care for him, and it would be easier if he stayed away from her from now on, though she is greatful that he saved her life. Then she turns and walks away, leaving him on one knee, hand outstretched where it held her hand.

My friend Sarah had this to say about it:
"Your dream may not be "real" in the sense of actual events, but it's realer than a lot of the actual events we go through on a daily basis in this fake world we live in. And your realness is beautiful. The people were very neutral figures, with no name or exact identity. it was about the situation and the peoples' hearts. Love is so much more than [romance]. It's about intimacy (that can be totally pure, as in really knowing another person), self sacrifice and commitment. It's about depth. endurance. "True love" isn't about sex or romance or marriage. Christ loves us like that. You love people like that. You love the Exped team like that. You'd do anything for the people you love, Jaina. And you fear and feel like [people] have walked away and rejected that love instead of returning it.
You give your heart to people fully. Most people don't. Most people don't know how to love, and we're called to love like Christ. Which means dying to our own desires everyday. Which means giving others our hearts and loving fully. Which HURTS. Because that comes with rejection. Just like Jesus.
When he drops the ring, he isn't focused on saving his own life, but finding the perfect way to show how great his love is for his bride-to-be. Like Christ. He faced death to show us the depth and perfection of His love. His hand……..stunning. Just like Jesus’ hands were cut and bled for us. Again, when he realizes his beloved is going to die, he sets aside all care for his own life and is totally committed to saving her, whatever the cost. And he does. He loves her fully and wants to give her EVERYTHING. And like us sinners, she sees his crazy love and rejects it, rejects Him. She’ll take the salvation if she can have it, but she doesn't want the reality of relationship with Him to go with it. Like so many nominal “Christians” or just our nature in general…accept His gifts but reject Him, when it all comes down to relationship with Him and nothing less. He IS the gift. But the world doesn't want Him.
And you have a heart like Christ’s. You love fully, you crave real, deep relationship, you pursue and persevere. And the world doesn't know how to love that way…many of us screwed-up Christians don't know how to love that way…and many people have and will reject you.
But Jaina, trust Jesus...it’s worth it to love, every time. Even if it makes you bleed."

Isaiah 55

Someone emailed me this passage today. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Come, all you who are thirsty, 

     come to the waters.

  and you who have no money,

     come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

     without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread,

     and your labour on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good.

     and you will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me;

     listen, that you may live.

I will make an everlasting covenant with you,

     my faithful love promised to David.

See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,

     a ruler and commander of the peoples.

Surely you will summon nations you know not, 

     and nations you do not know will come running to you,

  because of the Lord your God,

  the Holy One of Israel,

  for he has endowed you with splendor.

Seek the Lord while he may be found;

     call on him while he is near. 

Let the wicked forsake their ways

     and the unrighteous their thoughts.

Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them.

     and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

     neither are your ways my ways,

                                   declares the Lord.

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

      so are my ways higher than your ways,

      and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

As the rain and snow come down from heaven,

      and do not return to it without watering the earth

         and making it bud and flourish,

     So that it yields seed for the sower

         and bread for the eater,

So is my Word that goes out from my mouth:

     It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

     and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy

     and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and hills

     will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the field

     will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,

     and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.

This will be for the Lord's renown,

     for an everlasting sign,

     that will endure forever.